Monday, April 16, 2012

Does someone can tell me...???

I was impressed by the superb spring weather of this year, while I was telling myself that it was a shame that I'm not a musician or a singer. I did try music as a child and though I was not practicing as much as I was writing or drawing, I always loved music (as much as "playing music myself")... Well, childhood wound, long story... I'm not a musician.

I had that thought, among other, while thinking about French rap. I don't particularly like rap (but since my common-law-spouse is French, I hear about French rap slightly more often). Those young rappers and their songs denounce the social injustice, the political mistakes, etc. The French rap is often seen as "hateful", whereas what it wants (according to those young rappers) is to be the voice of truth that others wants to shut.

I'm not a musician and even less a rapper (it wouldn't be my style of music anyway!!) and I was founding this really sad in this period of lockout where I'd like to have a voice to be heard, with all what is happening now on the political scene... You know, the kind of music that "you can easily bring outside in the streets"... But I'm no singer nor music. What a pity.

And in the following instants, like if my cerebral right hemisphere (the one that is intuitive, creative, visual, artistic...) was answering to my left (side of logic, mathematics, language...), I started to have vision of images that would be representative of the messages I'd like to express. Eureka! I'm not a musician but I'm a drawer, painter and computer graphic artist! That is not nothing!

Back home... toc, there it goes again. This damn blockade that gets into me since too long. I don't know where to start, I freeze, I have the impression of "I don't have the time because I'm with my daughter" (while I haven't even tried anything yet). It's like if I was freezing in fear of not succeeding, fear of failure...

Failure of what?? Since when do I think about drawing in terms of "succeeding or failing", like if my life depended on it? Drawing, like painting, has always been an experience of enjoyment, like a game, experimentation, exploration (colors, techniques, different medium...), so where did it came to me this absurd idea of performance that keeps me from doing anything at all!?!

This is really irritating!
Does someone can tell me...???
Your comments on this matter are very welcome!!
Thank you!  =)

2 comments:

  1. That's the sort of thing that, if you brood and worry about it, continues. So just grab a pencil and some paper and scribble a bit. Have the radio on loud, have a glass of wine, and just do it...if it's a mess, crumple up the paper, and grab the next sheet! Or make it a game with your daughter, get her to suggest something you should draw for her...

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  2. Can it be a "Choking under pressure" syndrome. Like described:
    http://discovermagazine.com/2010/the-brain-2/06-science-reveals-how-not-to-choke-under-pressure
    Basically you try to control too much and can't use your talent smoothly.

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